Going Out on Halloween? Here’s What Your Costume Says About You

What Your Halloween Costume Says About You

10 Halloween Outfits You’ll See This Year (And Who’s Likely to Wear Them)

It’s almost Halloween, which means one of two things: You’ve already been hard at work picking out (or designing) the best costume possible, or you’re not going to worry about it until October 30th.

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Either way, whatever outfit you’re committing to, it’ll say a lot about who you are as a person. Always cutting corners and putting in the bare minimum? Are you the stereotypical class clown or overachiever? Whatever it is, your costume will reflect that. Be careful what you wear this spooky holiday season — you’re giving everyone else a glimpse into your soul.

Below, you’ll find a few examples of getups someone will surely be wearing at the Halloween shindig you attend this year, and how that costume defines ‘em.

1. The person who didn’t know it was going to be a costume party

You’ve shown up, completely costumeless on Halloween in jeans and a long-sleeve tee. While everyone else looks ghoulish, your costume is “guy who is apologizing for forgetting it was Halloween.” You’re definitely loveable, but you’re still goofy.

2. The person purposefully not wearing a costume and aggressively telling everyone around them that they don’t like dressing up

OK, we get it. You’re not into Halloween, and that’s fine, but you don’t need to try and ruin it for everyone else. You’re the same kind of person who needs to let everyone know you’re a vegan atheist, too. You think you’re incredibly interesting, but let others make that call.

3. The person dressed like a cop (or something similar)

You’ve put in minimal effort, but at least it’s something. You’re stoic, but you’re still a people-pleaser. You’re not about to compromise who you are and go crazy for Halloween, but you also get that you need to wear something out, even if that something is a black suit and sunglasses (both of which you already owned). You tell everyone you’re “that one guy from ‘Men in Black,’” but we all know the truth. It’s the thought that counts.

4. The person in a “Ukraine whistleblower costume” no one understands

Yes, you went to Staples and laminated a blurry picture of Ukraine to wear around your neck. You’re even fervently blowing a whistle, but everyone thinks you’re just a weird gym coach. It’s a valiant effort, but you probably have a tendency to try too hard in real life. Also, by the time Halloween rolls around, everyone will have forgotten about this whole topic anyway. What’s more relevant at this point is Trump’s latest early morning tweet about how he wants to nuke the sun or something.

5. The person wearing next to nothing who demands they be called a lifeguard

Your entire costume is built around not having to wear a shirt. Since you go to the gym, it’s only right that people know that. It’s good to be body positive, but you’re more than just pecs — let people see your heart. This also applies to wrestler costumes, boxer costumes and shirtless doctor costumes.

6. The person that thought dressing like a penis was an original idea

You thought this was really funny? Congratulations … it was. You still think you’re the first person who ever thought of this, and that you are the funniest person everyone knows. You also still quote movies like “Borat” and “Anchorman” at every opportunity without any acknowledgment that those movies, while classics, are always relevant.

7. The person who thought it’d be a good idea to dress as Hitler

Everyone’s glaring, and rightfully so. You try to make light of terrible situations, but this is just something that wasn’t worth the effort at all. This goes for any “hilariously offensive” costume you think you can pull off because you’re somehow special. See also: blackface, transphobic costumes, etc. It doesn’t qualify as humor, you’re just a dick. It’s the costume equivalent of “I identify as an attack helicopter.” Nice try, but you should probably go.

8. The group who planned to be nondescript football players

You committed to a group costume with a handful of friends because you couldn’t be bothered to al come up with original ideas. You and said friends will spend the entire party only hanging out with each other in one corner of the party. If you don’t, those who find you waiting in line for the bathroom will have zero idea who you actually are. In real life, you’re not someone who likes to stand out, opting to blend in with the rest (like your costume).

9. The couple that thought it’d be cute to dress as salt and pepper shakers

You do everything else with your significant other, so naturally, Halloween costumes was inevitable. You tell your friends you were forced into this, but everyone knows you’re sort of into it. It’s also a way to let everyone know that you’re taken without needing to say anything.

10. That one Halloween-obsessed person who spent the last 11 months putting together an elaborate Iron Man costume with moving parts

Superheroes are your life. The amount of money you’ve spent on Comic-Con tickets is obscene. As you dress up for those events regularly, it was easy putting something like this together. Even if people judge you for showing up in something like this, you don’t care what they think, And as amazing as the costume looks, once the night is over, it will spend the next several years in a box in your garage. You have no regrets.

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